RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
