And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
