do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
