Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize