I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
