In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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