On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
