i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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