If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
