I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just google imaged poop.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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