I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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