I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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