So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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