The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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