there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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