So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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