Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
