Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
