okay pat passed out under dana's car
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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