I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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