we have officially lost it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
