tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
