In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
