All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
