So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
