forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
