i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
