oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
