the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize