i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
