my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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