THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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