Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
