I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
