I wish i was in the wii world.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize