doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize