you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
