I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
