i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
