he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
another moral hangover. fuck.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
