Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
