I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize