I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
