i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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