My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
