Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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