Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize