she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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