I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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