Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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