Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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