2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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