Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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