call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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