Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
