Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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