help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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