you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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