White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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