like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I could fuck to npr.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
