Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
