im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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