Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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