I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
