I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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