i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
