what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
