i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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