I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
